Let me tell you a story....

In 2003, it was like a giant wave picked up the earth, tumbled it around, crashing it and thrashing it to within an inch of its life, before throwing it up on the shores of the Milky Way. I could feel that wave building from the end of 2002 but flailed about like a beached whale hoping that it would just flow on over and miraculously, I'd somehow just float on the surface unharmed. But of course, if you have ever been dumped big time by the surf, you know that was not to be.

It was a year throughout which my life changed beyond recognition with each event ripping up a different assumption or highlighting something I'd taken for granted or had been complacent about. The warning signs were there early on. When I farewelled my parents on the Sunshine Coast after Christmas 2002 and got on the plane to fly to Perth, in my heart I knew that was going to be the last time I would share a hug and smile with my Dad. Huge changes were also afoot in the Government Department I worked for, which potentially had significant ramifications on my career and staff morale throughout the organisation. Things hadn't been easy for Craig in his work and his stress levels were almost untenable. And to top things off, I really wasn't on top of my game and never truly felt "well". Then 19 May came along and well, simply put, that wave smacked me head first into the ground almost drowning me.

The loss of my father was profound and the grief I felt was absolutely soul destroying and destructive. That hole still exists and remains incredibly painful. But that day also ushered in what has been 15 years of highs and lows for me, coupled with an enormous learning curve about life, who I am and how I move in the world around me.

Shortly after my father died in May, I became increasingly ill and incapacitated by pain and immobility. By August, Craig was helping to shower me, brush my hair, clean my teeth and dress me....all before he, and I, went off to work. Yep, I continued to work. I remember days where I sat in my office in tears with pain. I conducted hearings for the Licensing Authority while being barely able to hold a pen or stay seated for hours on end as was needed. The Department also started its restructuring process with jobs on the line. I applied for and was successful in gaining a new position at a higher level. But the price of that success was the significant and unexpected impact on very dear friendships which couldn't weather the impact of that change. Morale generally in the Department was very low making it an unpleasant place to be in for 8+ hours a day. Added to that, I was barely capable of functioning normally, struggling with mourning the loss of my Father.

During this time, I was having a swathe of medical tests done which were exhausting and often painful themselves. Because of my Dad's story, the medical team I was under the care of, were particularly cautious and tested me for everything and anything. Ultimately, I was diagnosed with aggressive Anti-CCP corrosive Rheumatoid Disease. Sounds fancy but simply put, Rheumatoid Arthritis. This little sucker was affecting not only every joint from my toes up, including my jaw, it was also affecting my internal organs such that my kidneys and liver were under pressure from the toxins in my body which were the result of disease activity. At that point, I genuinely believed my life was over. I couldn't see or believe there to be any light at the end of the tunnel. I watched my dearly loved Grandmother struggle with crippled hands and feet with RA throughout her last years. I'd also watched my Father and his struggle with MS and saw what it required of my Mum. So that knowledge along with the immobility and pain I was suffering, truly felt like a mountain way beyond my capacity and I was ready to give up. That sense of doom was not aided by having multiple joints drained of toxic gunk and the prospect of that being an ongoing process.

Thankfully, I had a brilliant specialist physician who guided me through the medical maze of this new life long challenge, and a husband who never allowed me to drop my bundle. Craig was my rock to which I clung desperately.

But the good news.....Fast forward 15 years and its true to say that there have been some huge fluctuations in tide for me but on this side of it, I am a better person for it.

I have learnt, beyond measure, about what is valuable in life, about other people and their capacity to affect and enhance the world and my wellbeing, and I have learnt an enormous amount about myself that I never would have learnt had 2003 not rolled out the way it did.

I am also now a very well informed RA warrior. My specialist told me early on that RA was going to be my companion for the rest of my life and that my challenge was to be "the captain" of my own ship such that I could sail through life, leading the best life I could given RA would push my limits. And so I believe I have. I am not naive about the potentialities of my physical ability and certainly inability from time to time. Nor am I unprepared or inexperienced for the significant affect the disease and its lows have on my mental health and on Craig and our relationship. But it is the curve ball I have been thrown and I hope that I respond to the challenges with integrity and grit.

This adventure Craig and I are launching out on certainly will have its challenges, such as ensuring continuity of treatment and access to that care and to medications. It will also require a level of physical commitment which may test me from time to time (which is why I am hoping that family and friends will help crew when necessary!!). But I am also hoping that I can do my Dad, my Grandmother and all those whom I hold dear and who suffer their own health challenges, proud. I am also hoping that I can tell a story about living life despite chronic disease!

So with your indulgence as my reader, from time to time I will be doing little pieces on 'living with RA' which I am seeking to have published in the hope of raising awareness and hopefully helping others see the possibilities and the light that does exist at the end of every tunnel. So thanking you in advance.